Draft Research Paper on Sustainability

I am working on a research paper for a sustainability course. The paper has 3 aspects to it. The first is the research paper outline. The second is the draft research paper. The third is the final research paper. I have done the first part which is the draft research paper but I did not get a good grade on it. Now I need help with the draft research paper. I will attach the corrections the marker told me to make to the research outline so the writer will see what errors I make and correct them. I will also attach the question and the research outline I wrote.

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